


How Long Will You Be Gone?

by SacredMorningStar



Series: Works for Others [7]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Longing, Loss, Love, Mourning, One Sided Love, Pining, SPOILERS for Campaign 2 Ep 30
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 19:07:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29248509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SacredMorningStar/pseuds/SacredMorningStar
Summary: For the Nonnie who sent the ask with the question ideas. Looks like the writers block might have faded a little!Spoilers for Campaign 2 Ep 30 Although I tried not to give away too muchAfter such a big loss, Beau has one question for Yasha. But she doesn't have the strength to challenge it or to say it aloud.
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett/ Yasha Nydoorin, Beauregard Lionett/Yasha, Yasha Nydoorin/Beauregard Lionett, beau/yasha, beauyasha
Series: Works for Others [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/355919
Kudos: 4





	How Long Will You Be Gone?

Yasha leaving wasn’t uncommon, it had become routine for the Nein as she had her own path she wanted to walk, but as Beau began to get closer and closer to the barbarian, she began to wonder one big question. _How long will you be gone?_ Yet she never felt like she could truly ask it. It felt like admitting to something that she hadn’t even admitted to herself. What right did Beau have to question Yasha? Why did she get to challenge and expect a time limit given?

She had always found it hard not knowing when Yasha would be back to the group, not knowing what danger or what threat she was facing, whether she would even come back to the group after whatever she faced. That fear had grown worse after the kidnapping, after everything they lost, after the fight that seemed impossible to win, and watching Yasha stand over the marker that meant the end of something important to all of them. They were broken, all of them, they were lost without the bright light of their group, yet it obviously took Yasha much harder than anyone else in their group. Now Beau could only watch as Yasha left them, couldn’t face the pain of losing someone else, those words _it happened again_ echoed in her mind.

How long would it be before she came back this time? Would she ever come back? Could she ever come back to their group after losing such a vital part of her life? She wanted to stop her, to ask her, to follow her, wanted to talk with her and follow her and support her, wanted to be someone she could trust in, yet Beau couldn’t bring herself to reach out; feeling like it would be cruel to drag Yasha along when she didn’t want to be.

The months apart, the time away, it had felt so strange, like no time but so much time. Each night, when Beau drifted off to sleep her last thoughts were on Yasha, wondering where she was, wondering what she was doing, wondering if she was managing well on her own. She was strong, she was powerful, she was someone who they had seen fight through hell, yet Beau couldn’t help but worry over the Aasimar. She had left before, she had vanished before, but this time felt so much more powerful. This time it felt like it would be for so much longer, that Beau would never see the barbarian again. The weight of it, of not only the loss of one of their own, but the loss of someone she had hoped to one day do more with, sat on her chest making her heart ache.

~~~****~~~

Yasha had needed to leave, she needed to get away from the group. How could she stay when she had become such a risk and threat to them? She couldn’t allow them to be hurt, she couldn’t let them be injured because of her, not again, not after everything they had been through. She had looked back for only a moment as she left, her mind racing, her heart breaking, the cross with someone so important to her underneath, the loss of someone yet again. She needed to leave but she couldn’t be sure how long she could be away.

At first, she planned it to be permanent, that she would leave and not put them all at risk again, to not have them harmed or threatened, yet as the time passed the Stormlord began to put her on another direction. She had wanted to get away, was sure that if she had stayed that more pain would only be brought to the Nein, that those who were around her seemed to be marked for death just by being with her.

The dreams she had, the visions that came to her at night, began to pull her in another direction, made her search for the sea feeling like that was where she needed to be. She had been given visions of an ocean, of a raging storm, of a path that lead out there that she needed to follow. She hadn’t know where it would lead, where it would take her if she followed it, what it would mean or what the Stormlord had planned for her. She had been away from the Mighty Nein for a few months, not really planning to see them again, to put them in danger again, sure that she would just cause more pain. Yet, when she saw them walking up the plank and onto the ship she was one, she couldn’t help feeling her heart racing and pounding.

She had been following the path shown, had been searching for what the Stormlord was promising her, and it seemed he had wanted the Mighty Nein with her and guide her on the path. It had seemed the god wanted her to have allies. He had promised her she walked the right path, that she was doing right, that he could only guide her so far, but her past could help. So long as she faced her past she could grow from it, yet so much of her past was a mystery. She was missing so much of her past, two years that were just unknown to her, making it hard to know how her past could help. How could something she couldn’t remember help her stay on the path the Stormlord left for her?

Her mind had been racing with all these questions, looking over the ocean, before she’s heard those voices. The time away had made her miss the group and she could see the look of hope in the monk’s eyes that had been for but a moment. Yasha had no idea what they had been through, what they had done, but they were all together as a team again, travelling across the sea, and now she could help the Nein with the strange visions that Fjord’s sponsor had given him. Perhaps now was time to look at staying longer, perhaps the Stormlord was guiding her to be with the group because this was where she needed to be.

Perhaps this was a group to share, somewhere she could share her fears, her past, the parts that she knew at least, her hopes, and maybe build beyond the parts of her past that might forever haunt her. She was not ready to move on yet, she was not ready to risk her heart or her bond with anyone else just yet, but something continued to bring her back to the Nein; perhaps this could be the home that she keeps.


End file.
